rockym93 dot net

archive · tags · feed

I have an overdeveloped panic reflex.

31 March 201109:34AMintrospection

I generally wouldn't describe myself as a serial procrastinator, but I'm sort of coming to the realisation that I am. I've never missed an assignment deadline, or gone into an in-class unprepared, but I seem to push it awfully close an awful lot of the time. I say this having done both of these things today, and having spent the hour prior to both an in-class and an essay being due in the library finishing them up. Basically, it goes something like this:

Brain: OH GOD PANIC YOU HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE! Me: OH CRAP BRAIN, YOU'RE RIGHT! Brain: OHGODOHGODOHGODOH- Me: Okay, breathe. It's okay. You still have plenty of time, if you start now. It's not due for a couple of days- (Brain hears: blah blah blah blah blah blah _plenty of time blah blah blah blah__ not due blah blah._) Brain: oh cool never mind then look a distraction- Me: sigh

*Yes, I understand the contradiction inherent in characterising my brain separately to myself. In fact, it's a pet peeve of mine. Now shush.

Basically, I go through this cycle of alternately panicking prematurely and then overcompensating by reassuring myself very emphatically that everything will be fine, the problem being that I then believe myself (I mean hey, if you don't you have a serious problem). This leads to an increasingly desparate vicious cycle as I then do nothing, panic again, and reassure myself again... it goes on.

The problem is, it always works out. I've never missed a deadline, as I said. Sometimes I think if I'd had just one epic fail to really properly kick me out of this I'd be fine, but possibly to my detriment, I keep pulling through at the last minute. I'm wondering if I should fail something on purpose, specifically to change my work habits, but now that I mention that, it's both a really stupid idea and probably never going to happen anyway. I think I may just have to live with my flip-flopping panic switch for the rest of my life.

*Note to any future employers: I totally got rid of this problem years ago and it's totally not a problem anymore and you should totally hire me. Kthx. Also, go away.

< The story of the Laserfish. How "Red Riding Hood" Should Have Started: >