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Braindump 2: Sandwiches

16 June 201408:29AMbraindump

I'm leaving the continent in pretty much exactly a week from now, and I need to get some stuff out of my head before I go. Welcome to Braindump Week 2.

(If you'd like to peruse Braindump Week One, you'll find it under the same tag as this one.)

I think that we, as a society, need to reevaluate our definition of what does and does not constitute a sandwich.

I see folks walking around with their subs and their what have you, groaning at the seams with jalapenos, calamari and prosciutto and I think, no, this will not do. These monstrosities are not sandwiches. They are, in fact, anathema to all that the Fourth Earl of Sandwich intended when he invented the humble sandwich in the 18th century.

(No, this isn't another elaborate ruse. The sandwich really was invented by, or at least named after, an English aristocrat in the 1700s. Don't believe me? Look it up.

The problem I have with these so called sandwiches is not any kind of moral dilemma. It's not that they're a sign of decadence and the impending collapse of civilisation itself. It's just that they pretty fundamentally miss the point of sandwiches in the first place.

Wikipedia actually hits the nail on the head, describing the sandwich as "any dish wherein two or more pieces of bread serve as a container or wrapper for some other food."

A sandwich should not need an external wrapper. A sandwich should not require sitting down to eat. A sandwich, above all, should not be messy. The sign of a good sandwich is that it is its own wrapper, that it can be eaten on the fly, that it needs no wrapper or napkin.

If digital technology heralded the age of the paperless office, then the sandwich paved the way for the paperless meal, except that like the paperless office, paperless meals are a lot harder to do than we first thought.

Short of some kind of great leap forward in bread technology, a bakery-themed Moore's Law equivalent, sandwiches aren't going to be getting any more stable and self-contained any time soon. The neighbouring kingdom of burgerdom with its fast-food inspired trend of piling ever more stuff in is not helping. Perhaps the true future of the sandwich, its spiritual successor, lies with wraps?

I mean, there's some stuff you can do. Toasting, if done in a press, can really make a sandwich hold its own. And it opens up a whole new world of cheese-based adhesives. The other big one I've figured out is that really fresh bread is much more forgiving of overstuffing than defrosted bread, which is a bummer, since I won't have a sandwich toaster or the ability to not subsist off frozen bread when I move out.


What? Oh, yeah. Probably should have mentioned that a bit earlier.

So after about four-ish months of looking, and after applying at maybe four other places, Lochie and I are moving into a flat together. It's in Cottesloe, right near the train station, and the beach, and we can both afford it, and granted, it's a little on the small side but what do you expect and I'm actually kind of stoked.

Between 21st, job, car, graduation, Europe trip, and now moving out, 2014 is basically going to be the year that all the things happened.

And it's still only June.

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